Let me start off my saying happy birthday to my girl. Have a great time tonight with the girls and be careful damn it. I can only imagine what is going to go on tonight...ha.
The cat seems to already be out of the bag as you have seen from a few of the messages, so I might as well make it official. I took a major life step on February 11th and asked Evey to marry me...she said yes. It was a really cool night down in San Clemente at a memorable spot for both Evey and I, right above the pier. We had a beautiful sunset and down on one knee I went. The rest is history my friends. We went and had a cocktail on the pier, had a great dinner at one of our favorite restaraunts in town and ended the night being engaged. We are both really excited to be on this road and I think still a little shocked, but it's good shock. I know I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with her and I truley feel like the luckiest guy in the world. I guess that means it's right...right? Don't answer that, I already know the answer. So there you have it, Evey and I are engaged and we couldn't be happier.
On the medical front it has been a tough couple of weeks. I have been battling headaches and intestinal isses for what seems like two weeks straight. The headaches have been with me since my original diagnosis but since my release from the hospital, they gradually went away to the point where I completely stopped taking medication. Unfortunately they are back and I think it's due to all of the stress I've been dealing with over the past few weeks. The good news is I am betting this is only temporary and they will eventually go away as things normalize a bit in my life. Time will tell on that but I feel pretty good about it.
The intestinal issues have scared me a bit. The situation I am in I can't afford to get any sort of infections or viruses. My immune system is still not strong enough or equipped to handle anything like that. I would have to be hositalized and hit with some heavy antibiotics and whatever else is needed to take out the issue...much like what happened on Superbowl Sunday. Luckily the tests, as of yesterday, have all come back negative so I have been able to avoid that, but it still doesn't take away from the fact that things have sucked. I have felt better over the last couple of days so I can only hope this is on it's way out, but we'll see. Again, only time will tell which seems to be my story as of late.
What it does do is remind me that I am far from being done with this fight. As good as things can get for me, and there have been times where I have felt great, but as good as things can get for me, there could be tough times right around the corner...and for no apparent reason. It's just the roller coaster exerience I have written about many times in the past. I'm still on this damn ride and there really is no end in sight. My body is still dealing with the evils of the chemotherapy and radiation. Whether it comes in the form of Neuropathy which is burning sensations in my feet, headaches or the intestinal issues that have hit lately, I still have that poisen in my system and I have to understand it is going to be there for a while. All I can do is keep my head up and deal with it. Although it did force me to miss a NOFX show the other night which really bummed me out. Oh well, they'll be back.
My counts are all still looking very good which is keeping the doctors happy. My WBC had a pretty significant drop last week due to the stomach issues I had, but they are still in the good range so things are fine there. For me now it's just deaing with the tough times when they hit and keeping the good times in check, knowing that things could get bad at any moment. That's the reality of my life at this point and it ain't all that bad all things considered. I have heard some just tragic Leukemia stories these past couple of weeks. As difficult as it is to hear those stories, it helps me put my own situation into perspective which I could use every now and then.
That's about it for now guys. Better times are right around the corner, I can feel it. Take care of yourselves everyone and we'll catch up soon. -Kurt
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Day + 112
Hi everyone. First off, I'd like to thank everyone for their heartfelt condolences about Van. Every one of us is feeling it and I know that everything that has been said and written over the past couple of weeks has helped me.
On the medical side of things, everything is going extremely well. The results from my latest bone marrow biopsy came back in record time and could not have been better. My body is still in 100% remission and there is not a speck of cancer anywhere. There were no signs of immature cancer cells which could be an indicator that there is still a problem, but that looked perfect as well. All in all, the results could not have been better, and as a result they have said that I will not need another bone marrow test for 6 months. That is great for two reasons. The first reason is obvious which is these things are painful as hell and the longer I have to wait for my next one, the better. The second reason is the more important one. The fact that they can wait for six months means they have a huge amount of confidence that I'm good to go for a while and I have very little to worry about in the short term. That is a huge vote of confidence for my health as it relates to the possibility of me relapsing which the doctors are resoundedly betting doesn't happen.
I am feeling better overall. I'm still a lot weaker than I was two weeks ago but I feel myself gaining strength every day. I'm back to walking which is tougher than I thought, but I'm getting there. My legs just don't seem to work together the way they used to. I walk like a beat up old football player, but I'm hoping that with more walking things go back to normal. If I ever want to run again like I used to, that is going to have to get fixed. On another note, I seem to be past the Gastroenteritis which is really a fancy word for the stomach flu. No idea where I picked it up. It could have come from someone close to me who had it or possibly from something I ate. Doesn't really matter to be honest with you. I'm just happy to be past that nightmare. I don't wish that experience upon my worst enemy and I pray I will never have to go through that ever again.
My appetite remains strong and I've gained 12 pounds with more to come. All systems are go my friends and I can only hope I remain on this track. I'm feeling better but also have no illusions that things could turn for the worse at just about anytime. The good news for now is that people tell me I'm looking better and my doctors are telling me my recovery couldn't be going better. How much better could life be? Thanks Van, I couldn't have gotten here without you bro. I have a long way to go but things are looking good. Thanks for reading everyone and please take care of yourselves!
On the medical side of things, everything is going extremely well. The results from my latest bone marrow biopsy came back in record time and could not have been better. My body is still in 100% remission and there is not a speck of cancer anywhere. There were no signs of immature cancer cells which could be an indicator that there is still a problem, but that looked perfect as well. All in all, the results could not have been better, and as a result they have said that I will not need another bone marrow test for 6 months. That is great for two reasons. The first reason is obvious which is these things are painful as hell and the longer I have to wait for my next one, the better. The second reason is the more important one. The fact that they can wait for six months means they have a huge amount of confidence that I'm good to go for a while and I have very little to worry about in the short term. That is a huge vote of confidence for my health as it relates to the possibility of me relapsing which the doctors are resoundedly betting doesn't happen.
I am feeling better overall. I'm still a lot weaker than I was two weeks ago but I feel myself gaining strength every day. I'm back to walking which is tougher than I thought, but I'm getting there. My legs just don't seem to work together the way they used to. I walk like a beat up old football player, but I'm hoping that with more walking things go back to normal. If I ever want to run again like I used to, that is going to have to get fixed. On another note, I seem to be past the Gastroenteritis which is really a fancy word for the stomach flu. No idea where I picked it up. It could have come from someone close to me who had it or possibly from something I ate. Doesn't really matter to be honest with you. I'm just happy to be past that nightmare. I don't wish that experience upon my worst enemy and I pray I will never have to go through that ever again.
My appetite remains strong and I've gained 12 pounds with more to come. All systems are go my friends and I can only hope I remain on this track. I'm feeling better but also have no illusions that things could turn for the worse at just about anytime. The good news for now is that people tell me I'm looking better and my doctors are telling me my recovery couldn't be going better. How much better could life be? Thanks Van, I couldn't have gotten here without you bro. I have a long way to go but things are looking good. Thanks for reading everyone and please take care of yourselves!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Day + 104
Saturday has come and gone and all I can say is the service for Van and following events were just perfect. It was a true reflection of the life he lived and the impact Van had on the people he touched. For those of you who couldn't attend the funeral service, let me try to paint a quick picture for you. The church, which was no small church, had a capacity of roughly 200 people sitting. In addition to those 200 seats, they added folding chairs, put seating up on the stage by the altar, opened up the choir seating and then allowed people to stand in any open spot they could find. The service started at 2:00pm and the church with all of the seating and standing room I just described was full at 1:45. While the church was at full capacity on the inside, there was a line of about 100 yards long on the outside of 3 people wide still waiting to get in. On the sidewalk leading up the church you could still see people filing in from wherever they parked which was probably miles away somewhere. I guess what I am trying to say is a lot of people showed up to pay their respects to Van. It was the ultimate testament to show how much of an impact Van had on the lives he touched. If you knew him for a day, a week, a month, a year or if you were luckily enough to have known him for many years, you were his friend…and his friends showed up. The service commenced with about 150 people standing outside the church by the open windows so they could hear what was being said. The party afterwards was quite a time and badly needed by all. I’d like to thank Cindy and the rest of Van’s family for having us there. Evey and I were so happy to be able to be a part of that so thank you very much.
On the medical side I hit a bit of a speed bump early Sunday morning. Unfortunately, speed bumps in my situation could turn out to be a very bad thing so it got kind of scary. I must have picked up something from food in the prior few days leading up to Sunday because what I experienced that morning I never want to go through again. I was awake at 2:00am Sunday morning with the worst abdominal pain I have ever felt and just could not get rid of it. As you could image, every thing that goes along with that came, but normally those things ease the pain. Not in this case. After writhing around in agony until about 7am, I woke up Evey and had her rush me to the ER…an hour away in San Diego. I just couldn’t take the pain anymore and I started to get scared. Well, as luck would have it, the ER was full of people. It must have been quite a sight for those poor people in the ER waiting room to see me sitting there in a wheelchair doubled over in agony begging for some sort of pain relief. Luckily I got pushed up in line due to my AML but it took a good hour to finally make the pain go away. I think the doctor had to administer 4 doses of pain killers to finally give me some relief which pretty much meant knocking me out. Then I woke up and the pain was still there, so he would hit me again and out I would go. That went on until about 5pm or so on Sunday when I finally got comfortable. They took x-rays, did a catscan, drew every kind of blood culture you could imagine and took the typical samples. We’re still waiting for some of the results but what really scared them was the fact that I spiked a fever. In the situation I am in you can’t risk anything when it comes to fevers, infections, etc so they instantly admitted me. I was feeling better at that point but I knew it was a good idea to stay the night there so I didn’t put up a fight. I just felt bad for Evey and my Dad for having to watch the Superbowl from the damn hospital. At least Evey got to have some more of that hospital food she loves so much. I just don’t get it, but I love it. We had a great Superbowl Sunday planned as well. Beers and Brats with family and friends over at my Uncle Hans’ house. Well that all came to a crashing halt. Sorry Evey and Dad, but thanks for being there with me. I woke up Monday morning feeling pretty good but obviously really weak as well. But I’ll tell you this, nothing was going to keep me in that hospital for another night. From the minute I woke up I was on the doctors and nurses about discharging me. They didn’t seem too high on it at first but as the day went on and I showed no signs of fever, things got easier and they kicked me out of there at about 6pm.
So there you have it…my day + 101 speed bump. I’m home now and things are getting back to normal, but it was a healthy reminder for me that I am in the thick of things with this battle. Yes, this was an extraordinary week with the stress of everything that happened, the number of people I came in contact with, the hand shakes, the tears, food, my body just completely worn down, whatever it may have been that caused this. It doesn’t really matter because when it comes to my immune system, something like this could come from anywhere. I don’t even want to imagine what would have happened if I were alone. Can you say ambulance ride? I’m not going to beat myself up over this for being careless because I do believe that based on this weeks circumstances this was unavoidable. But again, it’s a good healthy reminder that I still have a very long way to go before I can get out there like you lucky folks and not have to worry about this stuff. What a great day that will be when it comes, and it will come.
So as you can see it has been a hell of a week. I keep shaking my head saying how could things get any worse. Things have to turn around and start to get better sometime. But you can’t do that. This is life and all you can do is deal with it the best you can. No doubt this will go down in my history as one of the worst weeks of my life, and I can already look back and say I could have handled things differently, but no sense in that. My mindset right now is simply, this is life, deal with it as best you can, be optimistic that things WILL get better and learn from the things you could have done differently. Easier said than done would be the best thing I could say to close out this message. Thanks for reading everyone and take care.
On the medical side I hit a bit of a speed bump early Sunday morning. Unfortunately, speed bumps in my situation could turn out to be a very bad thing so it got kind of scary. I must have picked up something from food in the prior few days leading up to Sunday because what I experienced that morning I never want to go through again. I was awake at 2:00am Sunday morning with the worst abdominal pain I have ever felt and just could not get rid of it. As you could image, every thing that goes along with that came, but normally those things ease the pain. Not in this case. After writhing around in agony until about 7am, I woke up Evey and had her rush me to the ER…an hour away in San Diego. I just couldn’t take the pain anymore and I started to get scared. Well, as luck would have it, the ER was full of people. It must have been quite a sight for those poor people in the ER waiting room to see me sitting there in a wheelchair doubled over in agony begging for some sort of pain relief. Luckily I got pushed up in line due to my AML but it took a good hour to finally make the pain go away. I think the doctor had to administer 4 doses of pain killers to finally give me some relief which pretty much meant knocking me out. Then I woke up and the pain was still there, so he would hit me again and out I would go. That went on until about 5pm or so on Sunday when I finally got comfortable. They took x-rays, did a catscan, drew every kind of blood culture you could imagine and took the typical samples. We’re still waiting for some of the results but what really scared them was the fact that I spiked a fever. In the situation I am in you can’t risk anything when it comes to fevers, infections, etc so they instantly admitted me. I was feeling better at that point but I knew it was a good idea to stay the night there so I didn’t put up a fight. I just felt bad for Evey and my Dad for having to watch the Superbowl from the damn hospital. At least Evey got to have some more of that hospital food she loves so much. I just don’t get it, but I love it. We had a great Superbowl Sunday planned as well. Beers and Brats with family and friends over at my Uncle Hans’ house. Well that all came to a crashing halt. Sorry Evey and Dad, but thanks for being there with me. I woke up Monday morning feeling pretty good but obviously really weak as well. But I’ll tell you this, nothing was going to keep me in that hospital for another night. From the minute I woke up I was on the doctors and nurses about discharging me. They didn’t seem too high on it at first but as the day went on and I showed no signs of fever, things got easier and they kicked me out of there at about 6pm.
So there you have it…my day + 101 speed bump. I’m home now and things are getting back to normal, but it was a healthy reminder for me that I am in the thick of things with this battle. Yes, this was an extraordinary week with the stress of everything that happened, the number of people I came in contact with, the hand shakes, the tears, food, my body just completely worn down, whatever it may have been that caused this. It doesn’t really matter because when it comes to my immune system, something like this could come from anywhere. I don’t even want to imagine what would have happened if I were alone. Can you say ambulance ride? I’m not going to beat myself up over this for being careless because I do believe that based on this weeks circumstances this was unavoidable. But again, it’s a good healthy reminder that I still have a very long way to go before I can get out there like you lucky folks and not have to worry about this stuff. What a great day that will be when it comes, and it will come.
So as you can see it has been a hell of a week. I keep shaking my head saying how could things get any worse. Things have to turn around and start to get better sometime. But you can’t do that. This is life and all you can do is deal with it the best you can. No doubt this will go down in my history as one of the worst weeks of my life, and I can already look back and say I could have handled things differently, but no sense in that. My mindset right now is simply, this is life, deal with it as best you can, be optimistic that things WILL get better and learn from the things you could have done differently. Easier said than done would be the best thing I could say to close out this message. Thanks for reading everyone and take care.
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