Day + 86

The proverbial light at the end of the tunnel has arrived and my appetite is back. I can’t tell you how good it feels to be hungry again. How it feels to enjoy the food you are eating rather than trying your hardest just to keep it down. How nice it is to look forward to eating rather than dreading your next meal. It is so difficult to put into words how terrible this appetite thing is unless you have lived it or seen in first hand with someone you love or care for. And it’s amazing how this one issue just completely ruined me. Now that my appetite is back I feel like a new man. I am slowly putting weight back on but more than that, I’m just starting to feel like myself again which is something I have missed for quite some time. I’m sure anyone close to me can verify that. I feel like talking to people again, going out for walks, catching up on idol work that has been sitting around because of my total lack of motivation, etc. It just amazes me that all of those things are related to the fact that my appetite and just overall eating habits were so out of whack, and now it’s back and I feel like a new man.

On the medical side of things all is well. My blood counts continue to hover exactly where they should be, to the point that my doctor has now lowered my required hospital visits to one day per week as opposed to twice a week. If you remember I started out with going to the hospital three times per week, so this means things are on track on the medical side and progressing according to plan.

So that’s about it. Things are going very well and I feel great which is great news for Evey who now gets to take a break from trying to get food down my throat on a daily basis. Poor girl, but at least it’s over for now. It’s so funny how things can turn on a dime so quickly. I remember about 3 weeks ago I was meeting with my doctor and told him with no joke in my voice that I truly felt like I was falling apart. I had no appetite and was losing weight, my feet absolutely killed me due to a condition caused by chemotherapy where the nerve endings in my feet get all messed up, I had zero motivation to do anything and my personality just seemed like it was turning dark. This was 3 weeks ago. He looked at me, we addressed each “issue” I was experiencing and he told me “One morning you are going to wake up and you will just feel good. There is no explanation around it except that it will happen”. At the time that meant nothing to me given the state I was in. At that point in time I seriously had forgotten what it felt like to feel good, or even average. It’s a terrible feeling when you can’t even remember what it’s like to feel average. Well, I’m happy to say that I am there and that morning has arrived and what a great morning every morning is when you feel like this. Whether it’s short lived or this is my road going forward, I don’t care. I am living up these good times and loving the fact that I feel like Kurt again. Take care everyone and we’ll talk again soon. Look for me at the Laker game tonight. I’ll be the one in purple and gold.