Chemo + Day 9

So De Ja Vu has nothing on this situation. I' have been in the hospital now for a total of 10 days, 9 since I started chemo, and nothing has come back to me as far as getting used to anything. Every day I wake up it's like waking up in a nightmare. I don't know why, but I seem to remember being in here before and being ok with the situation. You know what I mean...this is my situation so I just have to buckle down and deal with it. Well, not this time. Like I said, I wake up every morning, close my eyes and just wish I wasn't here. Yeah, it's that bad. I don't want to say there was novelty attached to it last time, but there is clearly a change from last time to this time, and it has misery written all over it. I'll hopefully at some point settle in and get used to it, but for now it is a daily battle to keep my head up and just take the situation for what it is. OK, now I feel like I'm rambling so let me stop, I apologize for that.

9 days since chemo began, 4 since it stopped and I'm feeling pretty lucky to say that I seem to have gotten through it pretty easy. I have had some difficult mornings where food looks absolutely disgusting, but no throwing up which I am so happy about. Throwing up is pretty much the worst it can get for me. For some reason, I just can't handle it so I have been lucky to not have to deal with it. This is ususally how it goes for me though. I get through the chemo pretty good but then a sneak attack will hit me a couple of weeks later and down I'll go. None of that really matters at this point. I just want to get the hell out of here and get back to my house, my bed, my dog and my life. Living in a 15x20 foot room for a long period of time is not conducive to good mental health. With that, I'll stop complaining about my living conditions. You've heard it all before anyway right?

One thing that hasn't changed is the morning visit by my full doctor team and the tag along group of about 6 students. It gets pretty cramped in here when Evey and I are trying to wake up and in walks 8-10 people asking how you are feeling, looking to see if you're breathing right, feeling your ankles to see if they are swollen, looking at your tubing, checking the pain and nausea scales...it's just nonstop nonsense and is every morning. The good part about this part of the day is that I get an update on my cancer situation and an idea of what's coming up. As of this morning, my white cell counts are at 0 which is exactly where they need to be. At this point, I need to wait it out like always and let the chemo do it's work, which is what it is doing. In about a week or so they will do another bone marrow biopsy and see if I am still in remission. Those results will determine us going straight to bone marrow transplant or waiting it out, letting my cell count situation strengthen.

So here is the breakdown: In about 5 days we will do a bone marrow biopsy. Assuming my body has reacted favorably to the treatment and the biopsy comes back negative, we will start the process for transplantation a couple of weeks from now. The actual transplant date will be a bit less than 3 weeks from now. My donor has been a superstar as always and has pretty much opened up his schedule to whatever we need. The other thing I am trying to do is get a few days home before the transplant. Not sure if the doc is going to go for that or not, we shall see.

So that's pretty much it for now. Same story, different dates. It seems like this is becoming a recurring nightmare, but third time's a charm and that's how we're treating it. Yes, we're in a pretty crappy place right now but it's nowhere Evey and I haven't been before . Luckily for me just negotiated being able to take a quick walk outside of my floor and into the lobby. Doesn't sound like much but trust me, when you're couped up like this, every step outside helps. I just need to get these tubes out of my arm and sleep in my own bed...then and only then will I start to feel better. Take care everyone and thanks for everything. We'll keep you posted.