Day + 195

And yet another week passes on this unreal, surreal, crazy, whatever you want to call it road, but the good news is it wasn’t that bad of a week. Given everything that has transpired over the last few weeks, I’m happy to say I didn’t get hit nearly as bad as expected by my new round of meds. The steroids on the other hand have taken a bit of a toll on me. Sleep is something I really enjoy which has been severely hampered over the past 10 days. Luckily I’ve got a bottle of Melatonin to help me through that which is a phenomenal natural pill which actually works. I’ve always been of the opinion that natural remedies are hocus pocus but after this I’m on board, especially given the fact that they are granting me precious hours of sleep. So that’s the sleep side of the coin. The flip side of that coin is how these meds have affected my moods and behavior. It’s funny, in an egotistical sort of way, I've always thought that there was no way a pill could affect my mental state, but it can…and it did, just ask Evey. Like the poor girl hasn’t already been through enough this year with having to live in a hospital fold out chair for 6 months, relocate to San Diego in a moments notice, rejuggle her work life, sacrifice family and friends time, the list goes on and on. You can now add having to navigate through my mood swings on top of all of that. Luckily they haven’t been all that bad, but there have been a few and those have been very difficult to control. Most of the time I can feel it sweeping over me and make a quick mental course correction to get through it, but as I said, a couple got a way from me. If the slow breathing, trying to talk myself out of it, rationalizing that this is only a pill, yada yada yada doesn’t work, I have to simply try my absolute hardest to keep a level head and get through it. I honestly don’t know what’s worse, having to actually deal with the sporadic physical pain I get hit with now and then, or the mental pain knowing I’m being a total jerk to the one person I should be treating with the most love, respect and affection. I can only hope that even my minimal frequency of these episodes goes down quickly and things can get back to normal…or whatever normal is.

On another note, I had a great week from an exercise standpoint. Stepped foot in the gym for the first time in a year and it felt great. I had to be very careful about what I touched and what I used, but it was a great workout. I ran for a mile on the treadmill and then was able to squeeze in about 15 minutes of weights which just felt amazing. It left me with a feeling I hadn’t felt in quite some time and quite honestly missed much more than I thought. I’m really looking forward to getting back in there. The next day I went on a 2 ½ hour hike through the hills off of Ortega Hwy with Evey and my family which just about killed me, but again, loved every minute of it. To close out the exercise trifecta, I took part in a 5k walk on Sunday morning for the Pediatric Cancer Research Foundation. As odd as it sounds, I felt alright that day. I figured I would start to feel it by then, but I didn’t. I felt great but definitely needed the rest of the day to relax and recover. Now Monday on the other hand…that is a different story. I woke up Monday morning and could barley walk. From my hips down to my toes, utter pain and agony throughout, but it’s the good pain and agony. The kind that says you had a hell of a workout but now it’s time to chill. These three days of exercise gave me a great taste of what life used to be. One that I had forgotten completely but don’t intend on forgetting again. It’s a great step for me mentally knowing that the time is right and I can start the process of taking back the valuable pieces of my life that were stripped away this time last year. I can’t wait to get going, and yes, moderation is my best friend.

On the blood counts front, things couldn’t be better. In fact they are the best they have been since my diagnosis. My white blood cell count jumped back up to 7.6 which is right where it needs to be to maintain a strong immune system My hemoglobin is sitting at 13.8 which is the highest it has been in a while and my hematocrit is at 41.8. I haven’t been over 40 since I was diagnosed so it is great to see those numbers. Hematocrit is a good way to measure my potential for endurance, so given those three days of exercise, timing really couldn’t be better. Hopefully it turns into a trend and not just a one week spike. Time will tell.

That’s about all I have. There is a lot going on, some positive and some not so positive, but for the most part things are good. I’ve got the best fiancé, family and friends anyone could ever ask for. Once you know that, it gets that much easier. As always, take care, thanks for reading and we'll catch up again soon.