Sunday, August 10th, 2008

Hi everyone, and let me apologize for such a long lag between the last post and this one. A lot has been going on and I have a lot to report on so sorry for the long one this time. So the last time I left you I think it was the day before they were going to perform the always barbaric bone marrow biopsy, which did not disappoint again this time. I'll spare you the details.

Hopes were high on round 2, results came and everything came crashing down. The news was pretty harsh saying that 50% of the cells left in the marrow were still cancer cells. This was quite a blow. What it basically means is that the chemo treatments I have been going through for the past 6 weeks are just not strong enough for the cancer I am fighting. This is a much more aggressive and progressive form of cancer the doctors anticipated, so I have been under gunned this whole time. As you could imagine, when I got the news on Friday night I was pretty devastated, especially with the visions of grandeur that I may have been able to get out of here for a week or so and get my head right. Options completely changed at that point which really only left 1.

Option 1 was to wait for my white cells to come up which could take a couple of weeks, get out of here for a week and come back for round 3 of chemo which could take 3-4 weeks in its entirety,
Option 2 was to get started on round 3 of chemo right away and not waste any time. I absolutely took option 2. I will have plenty of time to get home when all this is done. Wasting three weeks didn't seem like a viable possibility, so as I type this message, I am currently undergoing round 3 of chemotherapy treatment. This treatment is called "FLAG-IDA" chemo which lasts 5 days using three different kinds of chemo medicines and a daily shot in the stomach.

This round of chemo is a whole new ball game. It is 20 times more potent than the first two rounds so it should hopefully wreck havoc on the cancer cells left over. In addition, it requires that I get nightly shots in my stomach which accelerates bone marrow activity. The idea there is to stimulate and grow the cancer cells so they come out of all corners of the marrow, then send in the gnarly "20 times more powerful" chemo to clean everything out and kill it once and for all. Even with all that said, there is a possibility that with this type of aggressive cancer, it still may not push me into remission. More options to come at that point, but chances are good this will do the trick.

I can tell you that the most frustrating part of all of this is being engaged in a fight that you have absolutely no control over. I have the type of personality that I always need to be in control of things, especially if the situation is threatening me in any way, much like this. In this situation, I have to sit back and trust that the medication inside of me is doing its job, fighting the cancer. What I cannot do is lose faith in that, but it's hard not to after two rounds of chemo have come back negative. This is my battle. Continuing to trust the unknown and uncontrollable, sitting back and hoping the chemo is working, when the past two times haven’t. This third round seems to be a better fit for the kind of cancer I have so I need to do my absolute best to KNOW it is going to work.

The good news of this whole ordeal is that my girlfriend Evey took it upon herself to have a pow wow with the doctors and told them that that I need to be able to get out of here for a limited time at some point, risk or not. Given that I have been locked up for close to 7 weeks, they seemed good with it, and today, after being forced to stay in for close to two months, I spent 2 hours outside in the fresh air and sun soaking it up. It was like magic and I can't begin to tell you how badly it was needed.

So as you can see we have had a lot going on over the past 4 days or so. A lot of disappointment, let downs and readjusting of expectations, but also hardening of spirits and understanding that this is going to be a longer, harder road than we originally thought, but one that we know we will get through and one that we know we will look back on one day as a bump in the road.

Thanks for reading everyone and we'll keep you updated as things progress. Take care and be well.